9 People That You Just Know Will Smell
For as much money as consumers spend on products to make us smell good, you’d think…well you’d think more people would smell good. Nope. We’re living among some stank folk.
Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to spot the reekers from a distance, and avoid their pungency? Luckily, they all have a tell, and we’re here to help you spot the stinkers.
Here are nine people to watch out for, because they will always, always make your eyes water.
Dude Wearing a Giant Backpack
He’s staying at a hostel, and they certainly don’t provide soap. Also, whatever is in the backpack, whatever hiking or survival gear a dude should need in the middle of major city is also rank. The bag stinks too. Add all that together and you’ve got an odor that can be sniffed cross country, which is where he’s heading anyway. WARNING — if this same dude is sipping from a super small cup, don’t even get in his same air space.
Person Eating a Full, Extensive Meal in a Public Place
When people are eating an entire meal in a public place, it usually stinks up the joint. There is almost always tuna involved that they’ll inevitably spill on themselves. Also, they reek from the previous meal spill. (Side note — tuna should be illegal to consume publicly.)
White Dude with Dreads
It takes a whole lot of skipped showers to make caucasian hair stay in dreads. There are definitely things living in Adam Duritz’s mane – It would be a really long December if this dude was your roommate. Yeah, we can’t figure out how he dates hot chicks either. They probably have olfactory issues.
Person Wearing Inappropriate Amount of Layers for the Weather
Pretty simple: if you see someone dressed like it’s December, in the middle of July, you’re gonna want to hold your breath. Things are cooking underneath and it’s not going to be good. Almost like crap in a crock pot.
Guy with Duct Tape Wallet/Shoes/Bowtie/Thong/Anything
Go ahead, prove us wrong and find an exception.
Dude Who Just Came Back From His First Burning Man Festival
While he’s trying to tell you about his new polyamorous, art-driven existence and/or his spirit animal, try to keep him at arm’s length. When you spend a week in a desert community with no economic currency, you can’t buy deodorant.
Person ‘Napping’ in a Strange Place
The person that’s fast asleep in the middle of a train station, shopping mall or right out on the street. On the other hand, the person could be dead. Check for breath while holding your own.
Someone Yelling/Causing a Scene
Listen, she’s a busy lady. She’s gotta protect the elves from the sandwich police, and then there’s all that junk mail to sort and send angry responses to plus she is the catfood delivery woman for an entire neighborhood of strays. She just doesn’t have time for petty things like showering.