BOOM! 5 Exploding Animals Bombs Throughout History
No no, this is an animal photobomb, not a a regular animal bomb. It’s still one of the best things that we’ve ever seen, but it’s not what we came here to talk about.
For as long as there has been humanity there has been war, and as long as there has been war, some jerk has been trying to drag animals into it, like it’s their problem. Usually that comes in the form of riding them to battle, or using them to lug stuff. Sometimes though, they are used to blow stuff up, and we are not into it. Check out these five, lame and sad attempts to use animals as weapons.
The Union Mule Bombs
It’s a widely held theory that the Civil War lasted as long as it did because the Confederacy had tactical geniuses like Robert E. Lee, and the Union army was led by morons like Captain James Graydon.
How dumb precisely, was Graydon? While fighting in Santa Fe, Graydon had the brilliant idea to strap some old donkeys with kegs of gunpower. He lit a fuse, smacked their butts, and chuckled about his brilliant plan to bomb the Confederacy…
That is, until the donkeys showed back up at his camp. Only the donkeys were killed in the resulting explosion, but hey, at least Graydon earned everlasting fame as a dolt out of the deal.
After that, the US seemed to have learned its lesson… At least until WWII, where it had at least two insane animal weapons we know of.
To be fair, bat bombs were based around a pretty effective strategy: Incendiary weapons. In fact, the Tokyo firebombings of 1945 were more devastating than Hiroshima or Nagasaki, according to many estimates. However, those bombs were delivered by a B-29. Lytle Adams wanted to do it with bats.
Essentially, the US would strap incendiary weapons to bats, cut them loose over Japan, and once the little flying rats had settled in: FWOOSH . It actually worked: Some of the little buggers torched a US hangar and a general’s car during testing.
Then that whole “nuclear weapon” concept came along and made the plan pretty much useless, but not before it spawned another insane idea…
During World War II, the government spent enormous amounts of money on insane ideas. One of them was courtesy of the respected psychologist, B.F. Skinner.
The idea was simple, albeit ridiculous: Skinner would train a pigeon to peck at a target, and using the pigeon’s pecks, a missile could be guided to a target.
It sort of worked, but it’s unsurprising that the military decided it would instead invest in this newfangled “electronics” movement, and see where that took them. Somehow we don’t think they regret that choice.
One of the many, many reasons we’re glad the Soviet Union collapsed was the fact that they weren’t just a bureaucratic nightmare with nukes, they were also dog-killing jerks.Specifically, the Soviet army trained dogs to run under tanks by starving them, and then strapped them with explosives.
Yeah, screw those guys. Especially since they did it with other animals, even after the Cold War ended.
How do we know they kept doing it? Well…
Because a Russian aquarist allegedly sold a bunch of kamikaze dolphins that he could no longer afford to feed to Iran, back in 2000. Once the Cold War ended, they were used to entertain tourists.
Now apparently Iran has them. Considering Iran’s military weapons history, we’re pretty sure those dolphins might take over the country, if they get enough fish.