10 Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies That Should Be Remade
Arnold Schwarzenegger was Hollywood’s leading action hero for much of the 1980s and 1990s. His body of work is filled with action extravaganzas and fun, high-concept comedies. The release of ‘The Last Stand’ – Arnold’s first starring role in a film in 10 years – has us thinking about Arnold’s entire body of work. While he goes on to continue to make original action films, here are some of our suggestions for which Arnold Schwarzenegger films could be remake and how to make them more awesome than they probably will be.
‘Commando’ is a massively violent, massively silly cartoon, the likes of which they just don’t make anymore. But even when movies like this were coming out every week, ‘Commando’ stood as something special.’Commando’ may seem too sacred to remake, but it’s not. To make the ‘Commando’ remake a new classic is simple: Transform John Matrix into an all out slasher character like Freddy or Jason, but as a good guy. Take that scene where Arnold murders a bunch of faceless villains (conveniently located on an island of faceless villains) with pitchforks and machetes and make that the whole film. Don’t settle for a body count below triple digits.
I’ll never understand how everyone can love Arnold teaching kindergartners and love the idea of Arnold and Danny DeVito begin twins, but the moment you make Arnold pregnant, you’ve somehow crossed an unforgivable silliness barrier and must be forever spited. ‘Junior’ and its stupid concept deserves a second shot. No, guys can’t get pregnant, but dogs can’t play basketball either and still we have ‘Air Bud.’ If someone wanted to remake one Arnold’s comedies, this is the most ripe. It’s has an easy to communicate concept, and everyone hates the original.
‘The Running Man’
We live in an era of reality television where people eagerly fight and get injured on TV all the time for our entertainment. It seems like a no brainer to do another version of ‘The Running Man’ more suited to modern times.
The premise demands a game show in which contestants run for their lives from a series of flamboyant hunters, so not only do you have violent social commentary, but you get to fill your film with a bunch of fun one-off villains. It’s kind of shocking they haven’t remade this one a hundred times already, though ‘Gamer’ and ‘Death Race’ came close.
I’ve seen ‘Red Sonja.’ When I was a kid I watched it multiple times. But I can barely remember it. And that alone is reason enough to bring it back. See, the main memorable thing about ‘Red Sonja’ was that Arnold was in it. This may sound crazy but because it’s not an all-out Arnold film, ‘Red Sonja’ has too much Arnold in it for its own good. Brigitte Nielsen and her quest for revenge deserves a movie that isn’t overshadowed by Arnold’s involvement. And the only way to do that is with a remake. Plus, it will give some up and coming female action star a good break out vehicle.
‘Last Action Hero’
With ‘Scream’ a distant memory, audiences are now more than equipped than ever to handle the meta paradise found in Arnold’s ‘Last Action Hero,’ a film that simultaneously exposed and celebrated every action trope in the book. The thing is, so much has changed in action movies that you could probably remake ‘Last Action Hero’ without actually repeating any of the gags or set ups. There’s a whole new world of action tropes to exploit and its often somber, self-serious nature makes it an even bigger target than existed in Arnold’s day. The inevitable involvement of super heroes alone make this an Arnold remake worth pursuing.
In a lot of ways, they’ve been remaking ‘Kindergarten Cop’ ever since it came out. Hulk Hogan has his version with ‘Mr. Nanny.’ Vin Diesel has his version with ‘The Pacifier.’ And The Rock has his version with that stupid ‘Tooth Fairy’ movie. But no one did it as well as Arnold. Just listing those three films should make you pine for the superior “Tough guy hangs out with kids” movie. So rather than continue ripping it off, maybe they’ll have more luck remaking it instead.
‘End of Days’
Action heroes these days rarely fight Satan, and that’s kind of too bad. He is, after all, our culture’s premiere villainous figure. And yet most action stars prefer to waste their time on drug dealers and future versions of themselves. But Arnold fought Satan, and whoever decides to remake ‘End of Days’ will win an opportunity to do the same. Furthermore, ‘End of Days’ honestly wasn’t that great, so it’s one of the few Arnold movie remakes with potential to outdo the original.
‘Red Heat’ never seemed quite as good as it should have been. Arnold as a Russian teams up with Jim Belushi to help catch the escaped Russian criminal who murdered both their partners. Add direction by Walter Hill, and this should be a classic. It pains me to admit that it falls way short of that status.
So here comes another chance to get it right. Fake Russian accents are fun, and it’s been a while since we had Russian baddies to root against (though the next ‘Die Hard’ might scratch that itch this February). More than anything, we’ve been short of really great buddy cop action films lately. Here’s a good one to start with.
After the recent ‘Predators,’ which found such awesome tough guys as… Adrien Brody on a Predator hunting planet to face off two different kinds of Predators, it feels like this franchise has nowhere left to go. So why not start over again?
It might be sacrilegious, but when has that ever stopped a remake before? Oil up all of our current toughest guys, put them in the jungle, then let a new Predator pick them off one by one until the only tough guy remaining must go man-a-mano with the creature. Keep it bloody and fun and you might end up with something surprisingly awesome.
Most people aren’t familiar with ‘The Villain,’ but it’s ripe for remaking, though it would have to be a smaller film than we’re used to for action stars.
The premise is simple: A completely naive, innocent, and largely witless Arnold Schwarzenegger escorts a super hot Ann Margret to safety while Kirk Douglas does everything in his power to steal her money. It’s basically a live action Looney Tunes cartoon, and it’s awesome. The tone would have to change a bit to fit modern times, but it could still provide Acme laughs while making some brand new international body builder look uncomfortable and lost for ninety minutes.