Things Parents Never Imagine Saying

Being a part of a fairly large blended family, to include 6 kids ranging in ages from 4 to 14, I find myself saying things that will make you think "wait? Whaaaa?"  These things were not included in any parenting book, that I'm aware of anyway, and they most definitely make you scratch your head and say "hhmmmm".   Here are a few phrases that have been said in my house:

• Chloe, don't lick the ring bearer.
• Stop smelling your fart bubbles.
• Quit putting your boogers on the baby.
• Why did you swallow that paper clip?
• And you put that in your ear, because?

After I find myself saying these absurd comments, I laugh and wonder if other parents are going through the same.  So, please...tell me, what's the craziest thing you've said to your kids?