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‘Timecop’ Being Remade, As All Movies Eventually Must


In today’s recycling news: Universal has plucked the 1994 Jean-Claude Van Damme sci-fi action flick ‘Timecop’ from their little green eco-friendly bin.

Why make a movie and then just throw the idea away when the movie’s done? That’s so wasteful! There are starving writers in every coffee shop in LA, staring zombie-eyed and slack-jawed at computer screens, making a big show of pretending to write screenplays while they’re really just feverishly responding to some thread on Reddit about the best Thai takeout in a zip code that isn’t even theirs.

So Hollywood has long had a solution for how to not waste these ideas: take that old movie and make it into a new one! Who has time and money for new ideas when you’ve got all these old ones just laying around? They’ve barely even been used, and they’re just waiting for a whole new generation to enjoy them.

According to THR, the latest film to get a remake is ‘Timecop,’ the old 1994 (it’s practically prehistoric by now) Jean-Claude Van Damme film about a future where cops regulate time travel, and one cop who can do amazing splits in the kitchen has to stop an evil politician for using time travel for, well, evil.

The remake is currently out to writers, so if you hear that cartoon sound that indicates the Roadrunner has sped away from the coyote again in your local Starbucks, you’ll know where all the malnourished writers have gone.

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