Horrorscopes: Your Daily Fictitious Horoscope (June 6)

Gemini (May 21-Jun 20): Go eat some cake!

Cancer (Jun 21- July 22): Today is a good day to watch Hulu instead of Netflix.

Leo (July 23- Aug 22): You are the greatest. Get yourself

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22): Check your tire pressure.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22): Watch a tv show from your childhood.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 22): Have breakfast for dinner.

Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22): Avoid eating peaches today.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan 19): Go to the bar. Find someone you think is attractive. Go up to them. Confidently order 2 drinks. Drink both.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18): Order in, you earned it.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20): You shouldn't eat fish....

Aries (March 21-April 19): True love will find you.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): You're breathing wrong.