Can You Believe That Not All Mainers Are Eating Pop Tarts The Right Way? We Can’t Either.

For starters, how bout you get out of here with that 'Toaster Strudels are better!' nonsense, because nobody agrees with you. Secondly, I didn't realize until earlier this week that some people in Maine aren't even eating the superior product (Pop Tarts) the right way. Blasphemy, I say.

Okay, so how are tens of thousands of Mainers screwing up such a seemingly easy task? Well, to be fair, they're actually screwing it up a number of ways. Earlier this week I saw a post on Facebook talking about the proper Maine way to eat a Pop Tart.

As it turns out, there are actually people in the Pine Tree State who are just taking the Popping Tarts out of their plastic-sealed cocoon and just chomping into them with the reckless abandon of someone who doesn't care about proper processes.

But, Matt, how are we SUPPOSED to eat a Pop Tart? Well, not like that you dingbat! Sorry for calling you a dingbat. But seriously, have you no shame? You need to gently remove the PT's from their package and then place them in the toaster. Yes, the toaster.

After the tarts have garnered a dark golden crust, then, and only then, do you remove them from said toaster and place them on a paper plate. After that, you take the butter (BUTTER, not that I can't believe it's not crap), and you liberally spread it all over the Pop Tarts like a flowing golden river. I want it spread so liberally that you see AOC's face in the frosting.

Now, before it gets cold, you take your first bite- but make it a big one. You need to bite into it while it's still hot enough that the strawberry filling burns enough taste buds off for you to remember this culinary experience for days to come.

That is THE ONLY way to be eating Pop Tarts. Now please, get out there and start doing it right.

Bye.