Horrorscope: Your Daily Fictitious Horoscope (June 5)

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18): Today is not a good day to be at work. Go to an amusement park.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20): Have a second breakfast instead of lunch.

Aries (March 21-April 19): Avoid highways. Take the scenic route.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): You have something in your hair.

Gemini (May 21-Jun 20): You should get cake.

Cancer (Jun 21- July 22): You forgot to mow your lawn.

Leo (July 23- Aug 22): You are the greatest. Everyone loves you. Go you.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22): You should skip everywhere you go.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22): Buy a horse, take it to old town road.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 22): Today is a good day to learn Mandarin.

Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22): Give Quinn $20.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19): I'd avoid skydiving.