Horrorscope: Your Daily Fictitious Horoscope (June 5)
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18): Today is not a good day to be at work. Go to an amusement park.
Pisces (Feb 19-March 20): Have a second breakfast instead of lunch.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Avoid highways. Take the scenic route.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): You have something in your hair.
Gemini (May 21-Jun 20): You should get cake.
Cancer (Jun 21- July 22): You forgot to mow your lawn.
Leo (July 23- Aug 22): You are the greatest. Everyone loves you. Go you.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22): You should skip everywhere you go.
Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22): Buy a horse, take it to old town road.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 22): Today is a good day to learn Mandarin.
Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22): Give Quinn $20.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19): I'd avoid skydiving.