Today’s Completely Fictitious Horoscope

Gemini (May 21-Jun 20): Only 10 days left to eat cake.

Cancer (Jun 21- July 22): You shouldn't have done that.

Leo (July 23- Aug 22): TREAT YO SELF.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22): You left the stove on.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22): If life gives you lemons, you probably just found lemons.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 22): Don't block the fire exit.

Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22): You were supposed to do something.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan 19): Don't go grocery shopping today.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18): The guy next to you wants to race.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20): Look out, it's the cops!

Aries (March 21-April 19): Have you thought about upgrading to Amazon Prime?

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Have no regrets.