5 Valentine’s Day Gifts I’m Certain You Don’t Want [VIDEOS]

A box of chocolates.  A dozen roses.  How original!  Valentine's Day is one of those unnecessary holidays (is it a holiday?) in my book.  I'm not single.  I'm happy in my marriage.  I think social media makes it even worse.  As we approach the 'big' day, twitterpated girls will post selfies with what ever gift they received.  It's almost a competition to see who can get the better stuff.  Nothing like getting a present from a man who feels 'obligated' to get you something because the calendar says he must do it...oh and so does your long list of 'acceptable' presents.

But, if Valentine's Day holds a special place in your heart.  I'm certain these items are something you would not want to see delivered to you at work.

There is nothing more romantic than have your a mold made of your....well....your...ahem....your anus...and then turn it into little chocolate.  That's right...your sphincter in chocolate.  This is real.  I can't make this up.  This special treat is brought to you by Edible Anus

How about a nice pair of edible meat underwear?  It's called Brief Jerky.  Go ahead ladies...what man would turn away meat?  Only $139/pair

I hate getting flowers for Valentines Day.  Florist hike the prices of a dozen roses up from $12.99/dozen to $60/dozen.  But, if sending flowers is a must...I don't recommend a Corpse Flower

A star!  A sparkly star in the universe.  You can name a star after that special someone.  Not gonna lie...my ex husband got this for me.  My reaction was 'You spent money on something owned by nobody?'  It's the thought that counts...I know, I know.  I still have the certificate.  But it this idea interests you, go to StarRegistry.com

No explanation needed on this one.  Just don't.  Heed my warning.